Extended family insist on attending 30-year-old's doctoral graduation in Miami, shun her when she refuses to pay for their accommodation: 'I was on the naughty list for canceling [the] vacation'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 29, 2025 9:00 PM EST

A graduation should be a time for family to celebrate together, but that isn't always the case.

Much like other big events, like weddings or welcoming a new baby, this change in a phase of life can be the ideal circumstances for old resentments and arguments to resurface—or for entirely new ones to be created. The stress that comes with these supposedly happy events can turn them into disasters.

When you are the individual at the center of the commotion, what is meant to be a happy moment can fast turn into a nightmare if you or anyone participating in the event starts to act in a way that starts drama. It is unfortunate, but it becomes unavoidable in certain situations. The best that can be done is to try to manage the fallout and make the best of things, even if some people are determined to ruin everything.

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  • close up of a woman in a graduation gown and hat
    via KASONGO BULOBO

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, a woman who had recently graduated with a doctorate was frustrated with her extended family after how they had acted around the time of her graduation. They had initially wanted to travel to Miami for the ceremony and take a vacation at the same time, but the plans fell apart when the graduate refused to pay for the kind of accommodation that they wanted.

    As a result of this, many of her relatives turned against her, refusing to buy her Christmas gifts and then not wanting to invite her to family events. She wanted to know if she had mishandled the situation, or if they were being entitled.

  • AITAH for not paying for my extended family to attend my doctoral graduation in Miami and ruining their “dream vacation”? Now I'm uninvited from holidays this year because I ruined their vacation...

    I (F30) graduated with my doctorate LAST year after years of school and studying during the pandemic. My graduate school was in Miami with a honor society brunch Friday, commencement Saturday, plus a pre-paid beach photoshoot I booked months in advance it was going to be a weekend full of events.
    via HotTelevision812
  • Earlier that year, my cousin (F22) graduated states away. I couldn't afford airfare, my car could not make that drive, but I sent a gift and watched her graduation online. Her dad got an airbnb for his parents, wife/my aunt (F58), their kids, my mother and her mom/our grandmother (my mom helped pitch in cost even as she and her mom/my grandmother shared a room). Apparently, they assumed we'd repeat that arrangement for my graduation.
    via HotTelevision812
  • Because they would have to pay to fly to Miami they refused to pitch in for an airbnb in Miami- dade area which was easily 3x more expensive then what they rented in Alabama for my cousin's graduation. My uncle could not attend and stay with my younger cousins so it would only be my grandmother, my aunt and her older
    via HotTelevision812
  • daughter/my F22 cousin. My aunt and grandma wanted their own rooms, walking-distance to a beach, and close to a casino. Meanwhile, neither my credit card nor my mom's combined could cover a Miami-area Airbnb for 5 adults by ourselves for what THEY wanted.
    via HotTelevision812
  • I found a 1 bath, 3-bedroom split house 25 minutes from campus. I was going to share a bed with my mom. The cost only required them to contribute about $80 each, me too, and my cousin $50 for the initial deposit and the rest could be on my mom's credit card. They hated the airbnb as it was too "residential," not beachfront, and 1.5 hours away from the casino they wanted. Given that they wanted to use my car on the trip this was the best option so that I could uber to brunch and my graduation pho
    via HotTelevision812
  • On top of that, my cousin had bought concert tickets for herself and my aunt days after my graduation and asked me to extend the Airbnb to accommodate them. This blew my mind! I made arrangements for Thursday to Monday and driving 10 hour back home with my mom. I could not pay to extent the airbnb for THEIR concert later that week on Thursday. Said they should get their own place after Monday if THEY were
    via HotTelevision812
  • staying longer. I was told I was being self- absorbed, inconsiderate and acting like an snob?! But I don't even live in Miami anymore since I've been elsewhere for clinicals and attending courses virtually the last two semesters. I'm not staying longer than what I can afford now.
    via HotTelevision812
  • After weeks of arguing about the location of the airbnb, I told them they were welcome to attend my graduation, but I would only be booking accommodations for my mom and me ONLY. They could plan their own vacation, hotel, transportation, etc for the 3 of them. In the end, none of them came...they sold those concert tickets and skipped my graduation entirely. My
    via HotTelevision812
  • cousins and uncle watched my graduation online. The family group chat hated my graduation pictures with my graduation gown on the beach and said I was embarrassing them. My therapist suggested I unfriend my aunt, grandmother and godparents on social media after that.
    via HotTelevision812
  • Months later at my Aunt's at Christmas '24, my aunt shopped for the family as my uncle works full time and she didn't get me anything because I was "on the naughty list for canceling her Miami vacation." My uncle was horrified and apologized. I helped clean up after everyone opened THEIR presents (I had gifts from my mom and older cousin), gathered my things, said
    via HotTelevision812
  • goodbye to my cousins and left. I'm frustrated and hurt but grandmother and aunt insists I was selfish and made the trip "impossible" for them?! I genuinely just wanted to celebrate my graduation but couldn't afford to bankroll a 5+ day Miami vacation for multiple adults. I am not invited to Thanksgiving dinner this week nor Christmas this year to limit the "drama" because of my decision relating to the airbnb? AITA?
    via HotTelevision812
  • AITAH for not paying for a Miami airbnb for me & my family to attend my graduate school graduation after then asked me to extend it for their own personal vacation needs?
    via HotTelevision812
  • aerial view of South Miami Beach
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)
  • BarbPG You already know you are NTA. I find it impossible to comprehend the selfishness of these people. I agree with your therapist to go no contact on social media and even in real life. You are a grown adult with an advanced degree. You do not get put on the "naughty list."
    via BarbPG
  • OP HotTelevision812 My mom thinks I overreacted by backing out entirely and that I should have tried harder to find accommodations that fit what everyone wanted. They were already saying they wouldn't buy flights if the Airbnb wasn't accomodating enough, but they weren't able to contribute to match their needs. I was anxious and more worried after everything that they might still back out. Maybe they would have come if we put more on my credit card but I had an enjoyable graduation without them
    via HotTelevision812
  • Maria_Dragon This. OP have you talked to your mom about this? Can you do something for Thanksgiving with her?
    via Maria_Dragon
  • OP HotTelevision812 I wish my mother could stick up for me better but I won't guilt-trip my mother into choosing me over them. I've talked to her to back me up in past situations but it's usually my texts/voice that's delivering messages and not hers. My mother was getting an earful from her sister/my aunt, to the point that she decided to work this Thanksgiving for holiday pay so she could stay neutral and have work as an excuse not to attend. She doesn't want to stir the pot so this is her way
    via HotTelevision812
  • lapsteelguitar First, congrats on the PhD. My wife has one, so I get it. Your family is upset because YOU won't pay for them to attend your graduation? Where are you supposed to get the $$ for that? Why can't they pay their own damn bills? They likely have more $$ than you. NTA. Stand your ground, and cut them out of your life.
    via lapsteelguitar
  • OP HotTelevision812 Congrats to your wife and to you for being there for her as she pursued that. What should have been a celebration turned into a mess and my therapist had already warned me that achievements won't improve anything in my dysfunctional/narcissistic family system. My accomplishments weren't going to improve my standing or suddenly earn me more respect with them...and planning my graduation trip proved that they weren't thinking of me </3 but focused on what they wanted
    via HotTelevision812
  • javel1 NTA and honestly I would do something for yourself. I would hope your mom boycotts as well. Maybe you could go to the beach together. If your relatives change their mind, please don't attend. They don't deserve you and they have permanently changed the relationship with their selfishness.
    via javel1
  • OP HotTelevision812 My mom decided to work this Thanksgiving day as her excuse for "holiday pay" so that she could stay neutral with a work excuse
    via HotTelevision812
  • saintandvillian This has to be fake. Who expects a graduate to pay for their family's lodgings to see their graduation? It is unheard of. Let me edit this comment to say that I know people have shitty family and either ask or expect access to whatever you have. My family drains my wallet so much that they are a line item in my monthly budget! What I find fake about this story is requesting a week long stay in Miami, for free, with specific details (needing their own rooms despite previously shar
    via saintandvillain
  • ESH. RawrRRitchie you became a doctor and are already being frugal with the money. You can't hoard it forever.
    via RawrRRitchie
  • OP HotTelevision812 Listen... I can't be a proper sugar momma if I don't have the sugar
    via HotTelevision812
  • do2g Your aunt and grandmother are selfish and insufferable for making your graduation event all about them. For them to expect you, someone that's been in school, to completely fund their beachfront boondoggle is beyond words. I hope you have a wonderful, drama free holiday, OP. NTA
    via do2g
  • Trick-Being1539 Why isn't your Mum sticking up for you? If any of my extended family treated any of my kids or grandkids like this I'd go to war for them
    via Trick-Being1539

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family drama graduation Airbnb family money aita AITAH phd aunt uncle reddit thread miami Reddit mom entitled people cousin
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